so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
