I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
