It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
