Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
