yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
