The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
