the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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