if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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