Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
