Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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