Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
