I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
People in love make me want to vomit
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
