real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
