This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
