Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
