Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
