ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
