im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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