I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
