she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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