I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
