Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
