Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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