so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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