So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
