she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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