this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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