This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
