allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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