im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
