im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
