Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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