sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
