Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
