Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
