How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
