I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think i scared a bird with my dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
