I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
