I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
