Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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