there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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