loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
