What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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