If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
