Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
