You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
