So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
