She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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