Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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