i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
