your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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