I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
