you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
