I cockslap morals
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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