how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
