saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
